Posted by: silverback | 2012/10/15

your mom

I admit I’m a little bit of an asshole sometimes. Not quite to the extent of the “emails from an asshole” guy, but I often make the incorrect assumption that since I can laugh at myself about almost anything, that everybody else possesses that ability. We are some stupid, funny, ignorant-ass apes, though. People forget that.

I said something via a text message to my buddy. I’ve known this guy for four or five years, and I thought we were friends enough to give a little crap back and forth. I caught him on a bad day, I guess? It’s probably me – he’s got a four-month-old baby girl who doesn’t sleep well. He may be under some other financial stresses from starting a new family. I’ve been there myself, in a place where my friends just rub me the wrong way.

But I’m also well out of high school. By, like, decades.

So the message? The one my buddy went all apeshit on me, has now threatened to beat my ass, have his friends beat my ass, and then systematically ruin my life in whatever ways he can?

“Your mom. Wipe your mom’s pussy.”

That’s right – purely out of context, but he was already cussing at me so hard and calling me such horrible names that I honestly believed he was just taking the shit-talking a little far. He’d already called me an asshole & told me to shut the fuck up or he’d come over and beat my ass. He’d already called me a “super faggot star,” which had to be a joke, right? He’d called me a dick, and told me subsequently to “eat a dick.” Then, he called me a pussy, and told me to “wipe your pussy faggot.”

I replied with the above. It seemed appropriate at the time. Stupid boys talking stupid shit, right? Apes, with their genitalia in hand.

And then dude went apeshit. Like in high school. He was screaming crazy shit on the phone at me that I couldn’t even make out, but it was violent. He was truly and honestly very mad. He still is.

I sent a very considerate email explaining that I honestly thought he had to be joking, that I’d always held him in high regard, and that I was very sorry for offending him in any way.

His response included “…fuck off and leave me the fuck alone.” There was more, but since it’s crazy and makes zero sense in or out of context, I don’t feel it’s worth repeating. I wanted to respond one more time, but you know – I did the right thing. Hard to be rational with irrational people.

Mutual friends to whom I’ve expressed dismay all say about the same thing, “He did that to me once. Give him a few days.”

Nah dude. Give your mom a few days.

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